Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
