i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
