I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
