you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
