I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
