This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I showed him my bush... on skype.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
