the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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