you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
