Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
