I could make wine with my vomit
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Pants are for mortals
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
