Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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