why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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