We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We're using joints as your birthday candles
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
