what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
