billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
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