had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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