Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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