Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i barfeds in our rink
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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