I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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