he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
