last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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