I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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