My nipple is on Facebook.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Dicks are not precious.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
