You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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