I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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