how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
