Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
