i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
