Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
there is puke in my bra ... again
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