6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You can't motorboat a personality
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
