Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
