I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
