Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
