Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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