If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
