Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize
