i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
