I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
