kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
