you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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