Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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