I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
