idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
