Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
