Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
