Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I want her autograph on my taint
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
