i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
