Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
