I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
