oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
