last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
