wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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