I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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